Update

Well this week has started off somewhat interesting. Low and behold Sears Guy (aka Rob) sent a text Mon. afternoon around 4 and said, "Hey! hope you had a good weekend! How's your day?" I mean that sounds nice and all but then when you consider the fact that we planned on seeing each other for a boxing party on Sat. and having a date on Sun. not to mention he already messed up Fri. night, it doesn't sit well that I don't hear from him until Monday afternoon. Hello!! the weekend is over! And it's not as if his text was like, OMG... I am so sorry! I had a tragedy this weekend or I was super sick or something like that. It's completely nonchalant as if nothing happened.

Anyway, that's my rant. So I get the text and immediately I have to do a survey of all of my coworkers and best friends to figure out my next course of action. Do I respond as if everything is fine?? Or do I let him have it? Or do I just ignore him?? We were all in agreement to just ignore. After all... what do I have to gain by continuing to talk to him? Thank goodness for friends that are on the same page.

So then unexpectedly another ex comes along. He isn't one of the one's that I described before as a hanger oner because he walked away as if what we had between us was no big deal. I let him go with out a fight but was always secretly upset that he didn't show a little more... I don't know... I guess misery about our break up haha. I guess that's mean to wish for, but I think everyone kind of hopes to be missed or pined over to some extent. So anyway, to my surprise I got a phone call on Sunday and he told me he missed my friendship. Awww that's nice! We quickly fell in to a comfortable conversation of catching up with an undertone of sexual tension. It didn't take long for the warning alarms to start going off in my head. Like, WARNING WARNING possible hook up on the horizon (I am trying really hard to be a good girl;)!! It doesn't help that this particular ex is HOT! Our issues were certainly not in the bedroom. So as a single girl going on a few months now, it's only natural I would have a little bit of a reaction to his voice and his sly innuendos...right? So I went one day with the best of intentions. Really I did! Well last night... I'm a little embarrassed to say, that I caved. My hormones got the best of me! I have a slight cold with an achy neck and shoulders and he offered to come over and give me a massage. That's my weakness! I was done for. No possibility of keeping in line with my morals. So what now?? There was no conversation about what this lapse in judgment means. I don't even know what I really want. I think the fact that I'm still checking on my eharmony matches isn't necessarily a good sign. Ugh.. well he just called so I guess I will talk to him and see what we figure out!

By the way.... eharmony is sucking!

Dating Sucks

This week has been a little rough in the dating world. I finally got he phone call from Mark... it was very disappointing! I could have over looked the high pitched voice or revenge of the nerds laugh but I can not over look the fact that he has no ambition, he's living at home with his parents, the fact that he slightly lied about his job or any number of the other things that i discovered through our conversation. I was so discouraged that I boycotted eharmony for the entire week. On top of that, communication has stopped with John. Not sure what happened with him. Then... I met another guy last Sat. His name is Rob and I had to go to Sears to buy a refrigerator for my mom. Well he was the sales manager that helped me with the purchase. I was totally caught off guard when he started flirting with me. Eventually he ended up getting my number and called on Monday. We spent the whole week talking, texting, flirting until Friday I stopped by the store to pick up the owner's manual for my mom's fridge and he walked me to my car and gave me a kiss goodbye. Very nice kiss... I have to admit. But then! He says... tonight I would love to just hibernate with you and "snuggle real close" wait... what?? I know what he meant, so I kind of did a double take and was like, ummm how bout we go on a date?? like outside of the house? His demeanor totally changed, he half heartedly agreed but I knew things had changed, and at that moment I figured out his true intentions. I haven't heard from him the rest of the weekend!! Can you believe that?? In some ways I was a little bit surprised but in other ways not so much. It seems to be such a common thing for men to not want to invest any time in pursuing a woman. I guess there are so many women that are giving it up right away that there isn't a need for courting or dating... they can just move on to the next customer shopping for appliances in Sears.

So... I've ended my eharmony boycott and it's back to the chopping block. I have a fresh batch of communicators! Wish me luck :)

Waiting by the Phone

I did it! I took the plunge and gave Mark my number. EEK! Now the waiting starts for the call. I feel good about my decision. I read over all of our messages and Mark seems really nice and so far we have a lot in common. Doesn't hurt that he's pretty cute too! He said he doesn't want me to get away because I seem like a good catch for him. I thought that was nice. Oh... and the ex called again. The one I mentioned before with the baby on the way. I don't know why I answered, but I did and he was trying to ask me out again "just as friends". Yeah sure, I know what that means. He is trying to convince me that we can just pal around like good ol buddies as if we have no past. When really what he is thinking is that we will hang out, have some drinks and then one thing will lead to another and then... well just read my Lust poem in the previous post and you'll know what I mean. In my usual fashion I politely turned him down. I think it is my politeness that keeps him calling me. I think I have to be more direct and kind of mean to him to get him to finally go away, but it's just kind of hard. I think in all honesty it is somewhat fulfilling for him to grovel like he is, but since it will never go anywhere I need it to end. Anyway... I'm going to bed. Too tired to write about it anymore.

And the nerves kick in...

Ok, so Mr. Mark and I have been communicating some and in his last message yesterday he ended by telling me he wanted to get my number so we could talk on the phone and maybe see each other some time. Hooray!! this is what I have been waiting for right?? Well then why did I FREAK out and not respond?? I still haven't responded. Have I gone crazy? I mean, I am going to respond tonight and give him my number but I am so anxious about it! Online dating is kind of reverse from regular dating. With regular dating you have met the person (usually) and you kind of know what to expect, and with online I feel like you kind of get to know them online but then what if they are completely different in person. What if he is a high talker (anyone see that Sinefield episode??)? What if when I meet him he is totally obnoxious or doesn't really seem interested in me? Ugh... I know this goes with the territory and I need to suck it up and just deal but man is it nerve racking! And this is just to give my number. I can't imagine how I will feel if he actually asks for a date! This is the normal progression of things so I don't know what else I would expect but I have to admit... part of me kind of wants to retreat and keep things the way they are. My nice normal, predictable, safe and lonely routine. I MUST remember that I am NOT actually loving being single!

Tuesday...still.

So today was pretty horrific as I imagined it would be this morning. Maybe I brought it on myself this morning with my little rant about Tuesdays. So sorry Tuesday!! Didn't mean to offend you! Despite the onslaught of emails and ridiculous phone calls and questions from coworkers and employees the chaos was a somewhat manageable chaos...if that is even possible?? I mean don't get me wrong, it was still "horrific" but I guess if I want to be a glass half full kind of girl (which of course I do!) it could always be worse. A LOT worse.

Finally today I received the sought after message from Mark. Apparently he spent the ENTIRE holiday weekend thinking about what he wanted to write to me because boy did he respond! I never knew it was possible for a man to write so much! I really appreciated the thought and time he put in to his response. I have a problem though, now that I know every single detail I could possibly know about his life I'm not sure what else to ask him. JK it wasn't that bad. I mean, I did get a lot of info but hopefully there is more to learn about him. Maybe if we actually end up taking what is apparently a gigantic leap in the online dating world and speak over the phone, I can pry some more info from him. Well I guess pry is not a good word because that would indicate he is resistant to communicate. Hmmm... maybe I can facilitate a more controlled conversation with him hahaha oh well! you get what I mean. :)

Still waiting to hear back from Mr. John. All of this waiting just starts to make me crazy! but maybe it will end up being worth it down the line!


I have a little poem to close out this blog.



Lust
Fingertips tracing down my skin brings a reaction only created by him. My heart races just from one embrace as I take a deep breath and wait for him to set the pace.
Soft kisses lead the way and my busy day starts to fade away. All I see is him and me looking for something to set us free.
Fingertips tracing down my skin brings a reaction only created by him. Licking, nibbling, grabbing and biting brings me to a point where I'm no longer fighting.
Blinded by our own desires it seems impossible to put out this fire. Words are spoken that could seem obscene but right now insecurities are foreign and fleeting.
Fingertips tracing down my skin brings a reaction only created by him. Slowly but surely I fall back down to earth and inevitably I can't help but ponder... my worth.

Ugh! it's Tuesday

It's Tuesday and I'm not a big fan! This Tuesday in particular is worse than usual since it follows a holiday. But typically, even when it's a normal week, I don't like them. They tend to get overlooked by most since everyone tends to hate Monday's, but in my opinion, they are really just as bad as Monday. We still have most of the week left and all the stuff that didn't get done on Monday carries over to Tues. so it's really a second Monday!

Anyway, still no message from Mark! Very frustrating to say the least but, I received a new communication request today from John. I saw his profile over the weekend and secretly hoped he would initiate communication and low and behold he did! I have decided I am not going to initiate conversation first with any of the matches. I feel like as men they should pursue me It is a little bit slower going but feels good when you know they really wanted to contact you! So, I have answered the first round of questions. Now I have sent him his questions and we shall see where this goes!

One of my exes called me last night. I'm telling you... they just don't go away. This one in particular is a hanger oner. I think I am just too nice! This one got his ex pregnant while he was supposedly still in love with me. That same week that their little rendezvous occurred, he was trying to get me to see him! He says he was just so upset that I wouldn't see him that he just slept with her, I don't know I guess for revenge?? Baffling to me. I have a problem with always trying to be the bigger person. So instead of flipping out and going off on him like I should have, I have just been somewhat supportive, but I told him that is definitely the end of us! In his true fashion, he has been trying incessantly to see and spend time with me! I mean, hello!! you are having a baby with another woman!!! Then when I explain this for the 2000th time he acts offended. As if I'm the unreasonable one. See! This is exactly why I am trying to weed them out. They are all messed up in the head. Ok, gonna go to work!

So much for Labor Day!

I just put in about 6 hours for work. The good thing is I got to work from home, but I would have rathered been able to spend time with family or maybe go to a cookout. I took Marley out for a walk and I saw my secretly favorite neighbor again. He is this little old man that religiously checks his mail box at the same time everyday. It is so sad because I never see him get anything. It's one of those communial mail boxes where a whole section of homes all come to get their mail. Well he goes to his mail box and carefully opens the little door and then he does an initial look and when he doesn't see anything there he leans down and looks again AND puts his hand all the way in the box just in case. Once he realizes nothing is there he seems so deflated. As pitiful as it sounds, I just realized it kind of reminds me of myself with this whole eharmony thing. Oh geeze! That's terrible! Here I am feeling bad for Mr. Neighbor and I am just like him! So here is the scoop. I matched with this guy named Mark and he seems really great. We went through all the series of questions and made it to what they call open communication. We sent a couple of messages and now it's his turn again to respond to my last message and nothing! I haven't received a response in 4 days!! I keep obsessively checking and then I'm so disappointed when nothing is there. Yep... just like the old man! I'm trying to calm my nerves about it by convincing myself it is labor day weekend. Maybe he went out of town or something. Who knows. It's not as if we have made a real connection yet. I guess I am just hoping for one to develop. I signed up for 3 months of eharmony so if Mark is a no go, maybe there is someone else out there. I will just have to be patient and see!

Gotta get the hang of this blog thing...

Believe it or not this is my first blog ever! Well I guess I did a couple on myspace a couple of years ago but I don't think they really count. So I have been inspired by my current single status to start officially blogging. It's a good way to occupy my time, vent, connect, get some thoughts out...



I have always been in some sort of relationship since high school really. Mostly long term relationships with a couple of short ones sprinkled in to keep things exciting. I tend to always stay on good terms with the exes so they NEVER go away! This is something I'm definitely working on now! I have virtually cut off communication with every ex. That may seem dramatic but it's time to move on from my past and start fresh and that is what I'm doing. This time in my life is the first time I have been completely alone and while it IS lonely, I feel refreshed to not have the baggage weighing me down. I feel like I can truly have a new beginning!!



As the saying goes, my clock is definitely ticking. I am 29 years old and while that's not old, I think most women can agree it is kind of a freak out age if you are not married or at least on your way to being married. I am approaching the big 30!! I am looking forward to the more stable 30's but ugh! I didn't want to be there alone. So along with weeding out the exes I am trying some new things. 1. I am connecting more to my spiritual side. This has actually been a great change in my life. I feel I have more of a sense of purpose and meaning in my life through building a relationship with God. 2. I am working on my physical health. It's true that if you start to improve your physical health that you innately start to feel better emotionally and you develop more confidence (which from what I hear is always attractive to the opposite sex :). 3. I have entered the world of online dating. I joined eharmony last week. So far I kind of like the site. It's pricey but the guys seem to be pretty serious about connecting with someone. I have one guy in particular that is striking my interest and a couple of others that have "requested communication" but that I'm not too interested in. I'm sure I will be discussing eharmony a lot since it will be my main source in meeting guys. I have a cousin and her mom that have both met their husbands on eharmony, so maybe I will be lucky too! There was this one guy that matched with me that was exactly me. It was so weird! ALL of his answers on his profile were the exact same as mine! He even has a twin brother just like I do! It was too creepy that I didn't even what to request communication. I know eharmony is supposed to be good about matching with people like you but that was just a little overboard!



Well I gotta go do some work. Yeah... work on Labor Day! It's just not right!